Deadpool III (Discontinued)
by MysteryWriter2187
Summary: Wade Wilson finds himself face-to-face with family and relationship drama as he teams up with his old buddies and an old foe to take down the mutant factory and maybe... just maybe... convince Disney to keep his film franchise R-Rated. Discontinued and up for adoption.
1. Heaven Is A Place On Earth

_**Bold Italics** = Fourth Wall Breaking_

* * *

 _Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?_  
 _Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth_

 _They say in Heaven, Love comes first_  
 _We'll make Heaven a place on Earth_

 _Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth!_

* * *

 _ **"What's up, true believers? Your friendly neighbourhood Pool guy here. So, the writers want me to do a large-scale, R-Rated set piece in slow motion while the credits play with Belinda Carlisle's classic. Well, that's my cue, it's time to start this fucking thing off with a bang... maximum effort!"**_

* * *

 **TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX Presents**

 _When the night falls down_  
 _I wait for you and you come around_

 **In Association With MARVEL ENTERTAINMENT**

 _And the world's alive  
With the sound o_ _f kids on the street outside_

 **A Film By A GUY WITH A LAPTOP AND TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS**

 _When you walk into the room_  
 _You pull me close and we start to move_

 **Starring VAN EVEN WILDER**

 _And we're spinning with the stars above_  
 _And you lift me up in a wave of love_

 **THE LOVE INTEREST WE KILLED IN THE LAST ONE**

 _Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?_  
 _Ooh, heaven is a place on earth_

 **A RUSSIAN STEREOTYPE**

 _They say in Heaven, Love comes first_  
 _We'll make Heaven a place on Earth_

 **A LOT OF MOODY TEENS**

 _Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth!_

 **AND ONE ADORABLE ONE**

 _When I feel alone_  
 _I reach for you, and you bring me home_

 **INDIAN BABY DRIVER**

 _When I'm lost at sea_  
 _I hear your voice, and it carries me_

 **NOT THE X-FORCE (EXCEPT TWO)**

 _In this world we're just beginning_  
 _To understand the miracle of living_

 **With CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER As Weasel**

 _Baby, I was afraid before_  
 _But I'm not afraid, anymore_

 **And HUGH JACKMAN**

 _Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?_  
 _Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth_

 **NAH, JUST KIDDING. BUT WE GOT YOU, DIDN'T WE?**

 _They say in Heaven, Love comes first_  
 _We'll make Heaven a place on Earth_

 **DEADPOOL III**

 _Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth!_


	2. 5, 6, 7, 8

**A Warehouse - Not Far From Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children**

"I know it gets a little hard to eat big meals when you pass the age of sixty..." Wade said as he picked up a blunt brick, sliding it down Bea's blade to sharpen it. As he did the same to Arthur, he looked at the elderly man that was tied to a chair in Christmas Tree lights next to him.

Wade sighed, itching his nose through his mask before saying "but that's no excuse for an old fuck like you to start picking from the _kids' menu_ , if you know what I mean?"

 _"Hm... Dunt mm vut or tucking vut..."_ the man stuttered through the gag over his mouth. Wade put up his hand to silence the man, saying "just tell me something... you got kids, Mr Not Rogers?"

The man paused briefly. before he shook his head. Wade put both Bea and Arthur into their holsters as he pulled a small gun out of his pocket.

"Yeah, thought not... here's the thing, Verbal... I got a kid... girl. She's the best thing that ever fucking happened to me. That is... aside from her mom... so I'm _not_ sorry to have to tell you that she's not gonna grow up in a neighbourhood with a pervert like you snooping around..."

 _"Hm... Hm! Hmm!"_ the man cried out through the gag with tears on his face and a dark urine stain being blatantly visible near his crotch area. Wade pulled up his sleeve, noticing the time on his _Adventure Time_ watch. He groaned, saying " _ **UGH! Son of a bitch!**_ Well, bad news is, today's your lucky day, Harvey..."

 _"Vut?"_ the man said, slightly hopeful as he heard this. Wade said "my kid finishes school in about 5 minutes, so I don't have enough time..."

The man exhaled heavily in relief, before hearing a metallic _**CLICK-CLICK!**_ as Wade said "guess I'll just have to make it quick..."

 _AAAAAAAH! **BANG!**_

* * *

 _"Wade?"_ Vanessa's voice said on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah, hey honey. It's me..." Wade said as he walked out of the warehouse. He had his mask curled up so that his mouth was visible.

"So I just took care of Penny-dumb-ass, like you said... Dopinder's coming round the corner now. So, did you get a new cake or are we using the one I picked up yesterday?"

 _"Look, Red. A penis-shaped cake with a face on it would have been nice three years ago, but I'm not using that for our little girl's birthday party. At least not until she's 18."_

"Yeah. Guess not. Alright, Dopinder's here now. We'll be there in about a half hour." Wade hung up as he waved to the familiar yellow taxi. As Dopinder pulled up to the pavement, he opened the window, saying "I got here in record time, DP. I have to admit, it's a lot harder to do this when I am balancing my schedule with being a contract killer..."

"Aw, Dopinder. You could have told me." Wade said as he walked down the stairs. "I'd have invited you earlier so we could take care of this pervert I just killed."

"Wade Wilson..." an oddly familiar voice said. Wade wondered where he had heard it from before, before turning to see a hooded figure standing at the bottom of the stairs. The woman had a grin on her face as she pulled down her hood, saying "mind if I share your cab?"

Wade gasped, saying "Rosie O'Donnell! OMG. You're looking a lot less angry than usual."

"Wait, Rosie O'Don... but... ugh... Jesus fucking Christ. It's Angel Dust. You know, from the mutant factory?"

"Yeah... remind me again who you are? I mean, not for me, but like... if someone were watching this, _**and decided to be an asshole and not watch my first two movies beforehand**_..."

"I was Ajax's girlfriend."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm... Ajax... assuming that's not the dish soap, I can't put my finger on you yet..."

Angel sighed, a small grin forming on her face as she said "Francis..."

"OH! You're Angel Dust! Wow... _**why didn't she say so in the first place?**_ "

"Christ, this is gonna be painful..." Angel groaned, pulling out a gun and pointing it at Wade. "Look, I wanna make this as not messy as I can, but you're gonna have to come with me."

"Wow... you know, on any other day, I'd be all for that..." Wade said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out an IPod. "But it's my kid's birthday, and she finishes school in about three minutes. So... no can do..."

 _"Okay... hard way it is, then..."_ Angel scoffed, placing the gun back in her thigh holster and cracking her knuckles into place.

Wade sighed, pulling down his mask as he pressed the _PLAY_ button on his IPod. As Angel charged towards him, he nodded his head with the violin in the song, before saying **_"it's time to begin, now count it in. 5, 6, 7, 8!"_**

Angel threw a punch that Wade only just caught, the latter wincing a bit as some of the bones in his hands made an audible _**CRACK!**_ Wade kicked Angel in the stomach and tripped her down to the ground.

 _My rodeo Romeo, a cowboy god from head to toe_  
 _Wanna make you mine, better get in line_  
 _5, 6, 7, 8_

Angel shot back up and sent a fist into Wade's stomach, sending him flying through the air and landing hard against a metal mail-box. She charged again, only for Wade to uproot the box and _**SMASH!**_ it over her head. Wade dropped the mail-box and jumped through the back-seat window of Dopinder's taxi, saying _**"Drive, drive, drive!"**_

 _My boot scootin' baby is drivin' me crazy_  
 _My obsession from a western, my dance floor date_  
 _My rodeo Romeo, a cowboy god from head to toe_  
 _Wanna make you mine, better get in line_  
 _5, 6, 7, 8_

As Dopinder drove rapidly round the corner, he and Wade went wide-eyed as they heard the _**VROOOM!**_ of a motorcycle behind them. Wade looked out the back windscreen to see Angel pursuing them on a Harley. He sighed as he pulled out his gun, saying _**"some girls just can't take a hint..."**_

 _Foot kickin', finger clickin'_  
 _Leather slappin', hand clappin'_  
 _Hip bumpin', music thumpin'_  
 _Knee hitchin', heel and toe_

"DP, what are you doing?!" Dopinder cried as Wade opened the back seat window. Wade said "Just drive!" as he climbed onto the roof of the taxi. He pulled out his second gun and began firing them both at Angel's bike.

"Special serving of lead coming your way!" **_BRAT-AT-AT-AT-AT-_** ** _AT-_** ** _AT-_** ** _AT-_** ** _AT-_** ** _AT-_** ** _AT!_**

 _My rodeo Romeo, a cowboy god from head to toe_  
 _Wanna make you mine, better get in line_  
 _5, 6, 7, 8_

Angel swerved her bike from side-to-side to narrowly avoid the onslaught of bullets. One of them hit her front tyre, causing the bike to flip forwards. Angel let go of the handle bars and flew through the air, landing on the roof of the taxi. She put up her fists, saying "you can come with me together or in pieces..."

 _ **"Bring it on, Jose Canseco!"**_

 _Tush pushin'. thunder footin'_  
 _Cowgirl twistin', no resistin'_  
 _Drums bangin', Steel twangin'_  
 _Two steppin', end to end_

As Angel pinned him down, Wade looked up, noticing a hooked pipe hanging low from a building they were about to pass. He hoisted Angel up with his legs, allowing the hook to latch on to the back of her shirt and lift her off of him. _"You fucking prick!"_ she shouted angrily as Dopinder kept on driving with Wade still sitting on top of the cab.

* * *

 **Elementary School And Kindergarten - Within 500 Yards Of Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children**

It was 15:29 on the clock, a minute before school was to be finished. As the toddlers began grabbing their bags, one of the girls heard the familiar sound of a taxi engine, looking out the window to see the school fence about to get rammed down.

 _Gonna rope you in, so count me in_  
 _5, 6, 7, 8_

 _ **CRASH!**_ Dopinder's taxi tore through the tall green gate, Wade still hanging onto the roof as it drove down the small hill, tearing up the grass and flowers until it finally reached the gravel parking space.

 _My rodeo Romeo, a cowboy god from head to toe_  
 _Wanna make you mine, better get in line_  
 _5, 6, 7, 8_

Wade turned off the music as the school bell went _**DING-A-LING-A-LING-A-LING-A-LING!**_ at 15:30 sharp. As the kids ran outside to their parents, Wade kept his mask on as he called out _"Cher! Cher! Over here!"_

"Daddy!" the little blonde-haired girl ran down the pathway, jumping up into her father's arms as he said "ah-ha-ha-ha! There's my little psycho! Aw, happy birthday, coffee cup!"

"Hi, Uncle Dopinder!" Cher shouted to the terrified taxi driver who slowly and awkwardly waved back, saying "h... happy... happy birthday, Miss DP Jr."

"So, how was school today?" Wade asked as he peeled off his mask and put Cher in the backseat.

"It was really good, Daddy... a kid tried to break my Hawkeye figure so I broke his hand."

"That's my girl..."

"Did the piddo feel give you a hard time, Daddy?"

"No, actually, sweetie." Wade said as he stepped into the shotgun seat next to Dopinder. "The dents are actually from an unexpected encounter with a character neither myself or the fans expected to see unless they saw the cast list. But don't you worry, coffee cup... Mr Creepy's not gonna be bothering us. That's Daddy's personal birthday present to you... Well, you and every other kid living in this neighbourhood. Now, Dopinder..."

"DP?"

"Let's get our asses over to that apartment from the surprise birthday that's a surprise to literally nobody who's ever watched a movie that starts with a birthday party..."


	3. Birthday

_Sing a happy song! Sing a happy song!_  
 _Why don't you sing along? Sing a happy song!_  
 _Get on up and dance! Sing a happy song!_  
 _Come on, clap your hands! Sing a happy song!_

Wade and Vanessa both carried the X-Men-themed cake into the living room, as everyone else began singing the _Happy Birthday_ song for Cher. Due to sizing, it was a relatively small celebration attended only by immediate friends; Russell, Dopinder, Domino, Peter, Colossus, Negasonic, Yukio, Al, Wea...

 _ **"Wait, wait, wait, stop! What... in the actual ass?! You guys really did recast Weasel? Christ, you could have at least gotten someone who looked like the other guy... well, at least this one's Canadian..."**_

Wade then reached into his pocket and pulled out a copy of _Cable #3, July 1993_ , skipping to Page 10 to look at the picture of Weasel. _**"And he actually kinda looks like he does in the comics, too... alright, I'll let this one slide, Simon."**_

"Wade, I don't know what you're talking about. I've always been here." Weasel said, before Wade slapped him over the back of the head with an unnecessary amount of force. _"Ow! I'm hurt! I am very much hurt!"_

 _ **"See?! That was a lot funnier with Tuffnut than it is with Hiccup here. And is Cable seriously committed to that four-picture deal? Fuck that guy, this is my kid's birthday party..."**_

"Wade... can we please get back on track..." Colossus snarked. Wade nodded as he and Vanessa lay the cake down on the table for Cher to blow out the candles. Wade and Vanessa sat on either side of her, as Wade said "so, coffee cup. What'd you wish for?"

"Mommy said I can't tell you or it won't come true, daddy..." Cher said. Wade nodded at Vanessa, who smirked as she said "well, sweetie, I think me and Daddy can have a little hint, can't we?"

"Alright... my wish was that both your biggest wishes could come true!" Cher said cheerfully. "Aw... isn't that nice..." Colossus said warmly, while Negasonic put her finger to her open mouth to make a vomiting gesture.

Everyone was happy and cheery as they cut the cake and shared it out, but Wade was still confused by Cher's words. He didn't have a biggest wish, at least he didn't think so. He'd saved the universe from both _Origins_ and _Green Lantern,_ he had Vanessa and Peter alive, and the best daughter a pansexual fourth-wall breaker could ask for. What else could his biggest wish be?

* * *

 **2 Miles Outside Of Town**

"Look, I like this place, but I gotta admit, it just ain't safe out here no more..." one of the rednecks said to his friend as they sat next to their truck in their usual spot. "I'm worried if we keep stayin' out here, then some other weird fucker's just gonna show up from like a time box or a portal or some shit and give us a hard time. First it was that One-Eyed Willy guy, next thing y'know it might be..."

 _ **PSEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW...**_ they both turned in shock as a strange green and yellow vortex appeared on the ground inches away from their truck. A bright, blinding flash appeared suddenly, and when the light disappeared, a figure was now kneeling down where the vortex was.

The man looked up slowly to see where he was. He was in his 20s, of Asian descent and was shirtless, exposing the dragon-shaped tattoos that curled around his left arm and shoulder. He had a satchel strapped to his side and his hair was styled in a mohawk in the centre of his head, the rest of it being shaved bald as the mohawk was tied in a ponytail near his shoulder blades.

The rednecks were uneasy, one of them keeping a hold of his rifle as the man stood up and looked at them. A grin curled across his face, exposing his sharper-than-average canine teeth as he hissed out a single word. _"City..."_

"The fuck you say, slitty-eyes?" one of the rednecks said, only for the man to grab him aggressively and hoist him screaming off his feet.

 _"What city is this?!"_ he snarled, pinning the redneck to the side of the van. The other redneck said "see! This is exactly what I was talking about!" as he pulled out a rifle. The man turned his head to face the second redneck, pointing his fist in the man's direction and clenching it. _**SNNNNNNIKT!**_

Both the rednecks went wide-eyed as two sharp blades shot out of the man's top and base knuckles, before noticing some blood dripping onto the ground from his forearm. The blood came from a third blade that slowly protruded from the man's wrist, making the three claws a tripod formation. He grinned again, turning to the redneck he was holding and sticking the claws directly into his chest.

 _ **"GAAAAAAAHHHH!"**_ the redneck screamed with the last of his life as the other one fired the rifle with a loud _**BOOM!**_ The man stumbled a bit, dropping the first redneck's corpse as the shot hit him in the side. He looked at the slowly-closing bullet hole in his stomach, digging his wrist-claw into it to dig out the bullet and grinning through gritted teeth as he did so.

He dropped the bullet onto the ground as the wound sealed completely, looking at the redneck as he said "I'm really glad you did that... otherwise, I'd have done this for nothing..."

 _"Oh, fu- **AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!** "_

The man left both the corpses on the ground as he opened the door of their truck and got into the driver's seat. He reached into his satchel, pulling out two _Uncanny X-Men_ comics. He looked at the first one, _Eden Or The End?_ , before looking at the next comic and opening it to see a picture of Deadpool and Domino. Underneath the comics, he sighed as he saw the photograph, showing himself with his younger sister.

 _"Sorry, sis..."_ he said quietly as he started the car and began to drive towards the town. _"This is for both of us..."_


	4. Misdirection

The next morning, Wade got out of bed and began to dress himself, leaning against the closet in the corner of the room as he put his suit on. He went into the living room, seeing Cher watching the TV while Vanessa was making breakfast.

"Good morning, my absolutely perfect in every way family." he said as he kissed Vanessa. "So, you guys still meeting me in the park later?"

"Yes. Obviously." Vanessa said as she passed Wade the croissant she had wrapped in tin foil for him. "I just gotta do the laundry that's in the bedroom then we'll be there in about an hour."

"Great. Can't wait." Wade said, holding his mask as he went over to hug Cher goodbye. She said "bye, daddy. Love you."

"I love you too, coffee cup. By the way, your little red coat's on the bed in mommy and daddy's room. Don't forget it, okay?"

"I won't." Cher said, grinning ecstatically as she went back to watching _Adventure Time_. Wade turned back to Vanessa, saying "Dopinder and I are gonna go looking for Francis' ex after yesterday. It'll be fine."

"Yeah. I know. Bye, sweetie." Vanessa said as Wade put on his mask and left the apartment.

* * *

Dopinder drove around corner after corner, Wade hiding below the rear window with binoculars peeking out. "DP. I don't think we're going to find Miss Angel Dust."

"We'll just keep looking, Dopinder." Wade said. "She wanted me, and she's gonna get me... _**Well, that came out wrong...**_ "

 _You're my best friend! My best friend!_  
 _And friends are family!_

The sound of his ring-tone prompted Wade to shout _**"STOP!"**_ at Dopinder, who hit the brakes and caused the cab to freeze in the middle of the street. He opened the phone and answered it, saying _**"this is DP's Garage Sale/Bargains! What can I do for you?"**_

 _"What? Wade, it's Domino."_

"Oh, hey Doms. What's up?"

 _"Russell and I are at the old warehouse round a corner from where you are now."_ Domino said. _"We've found her."_

* * *

Wade was eating the croissant while walking into the warehouse, seeing Angel tied to a chair with a power-restraining collar around her neck. Russell saw him, saying "hey, Wade!"

"What's the story, guys?"

"I just wanted to talk." Angel scoffed. "This is totally unnecessary."

 _ **"Right. And I guess that whole fight yesterday was because the studio wanted to start my third movie off with a bang."**_ Wade said as he pulled out a pistol. He pointed it at her, saying _**"what exactly did you want to talk about? And you better use your words wisely, because you've already had more dialogue than you had in all your screentime in the first one."**_

"Look, after you killed Francis, silver-balls asked if I wanted to join the mutie boy scouts."

"Hm. I'm starting to sympathise." Wade said. "Carry on."

"I said no, and I went underground. Assassin work, you know? But then, _they_ found me."

Wade then sighed, saying _**"Angel Dust plays the pronoun game so that Deadpool and the audience have to ask who she's talking about. DING!"**_

"Weapon X. The mutant factory!" Angel snapped suddenly. "They want us both back. They're coming today."

 _ **"Oh, so that's what this is about."**_ Wade scoffed as he, Russell and Domino began laughing. _**"Angel Dust comes to me for help getting away from her ex's family. Gee, you writers are really phonin' this shit in, huh?"**_

"They're coming for me, _and_ they're coming for _you_ , asshole..." Angel spat out. "If they don't get you, where the hell do you think they're gonna go next?"

"Ha! Where the hell else are they su... are they... supposed to go..." Wade said, stumbling back as he realised what she meant. Domino noticed this, saying _"Wade..."_

 _ **"No... no... Dopinder! Start the car!"**_

* * *

Dopinder drove furiously to the street in front of the apartment, both he and Wade staring in shock as they got out to see it. The windows of Wade's apartment were shattered, the curtains having been set alight with thick black smoke coming out of the living room and bedrooms.

 _ **"NESS! CHER!"** _Wade cried out, pulling off his mask and throwing it on the ground as he opened the main door and quickly ran upstairs to the apartment. The smoke was already spilling out through the cracks under the door, as Wade said _**"Ness! You in there? NESS!"**_

He pulled the handle, twisting it with all strength even as the searing hot metal singed and burned his palm. _**"UGH! Fuck! FUCK!"**_ The door was locked, prompting him to pull his hand away and take a few steps back. _**"RRRRRAAAAAGGGGHHHH!**_ "

Wade turned around with his back facing the door as he ran into it, ramming it down with great force to get into the apartment. The fire that had been set was out, but it had all but consumed the living room and everywhere else in the apartment. _**"Ness! Cher!"**_ he called out, before running into his and Vanessa's destroyed bedroom.

His eyes then widened as he something familiar caught his eye. Some burnt clothes lay on the cindered floor in a pile of ash. He recognised one of Vanessa's shirts and Cher's favourite red raincoat in the pile, both of them burnt nearly beyond recognition.

Wade knelt down next to the piles of burnt, ashy clothes, feeling tears stream down his face as he screamed out loud. He held the clothes to his chest tightly, embracing them with all his strength.

 _What's left to say?_  
 _These prayers ain't working... anymore..._  
 _Every word... shot down in flames..._

Wade continued sobbing on his knees, almost too busy grieving to notice a faint, familiar sound of crying and breathing coming from behind him. Eventually, his head pricked up as he heard it, along with the sound of feet weighing down on a wooden platform. _**Crrrrreakkk...**_

 _'Cause I've been shaking_  
 _I've been bending backwards till I'm broke..._

Wade threw the clothes on the ground and ran to the closet in the corner, throwing it open to hear a loud _**"DADDY!"**_

 _Let beauty come out... of... ashes_

 _ **"Oh, sweet Jesus!"**_ he wheezed heavily through tears and threw his arms tight around Cher and Vanessa as they leapt out of the closet and into his embrace.

 _And when I pray to God_  
 _All... I... ask... is..._  
 _Can beauty come out... of... ashes?_

"Oh, thank God, my babies... oh, my babies... shit..." Wade panted as he held his family tight. "I was so scared... I... I thought the writers had fridged you again..."

 _"Wade... these men, they... they were coming, and... and we hid, and they were looking... they set it all on fire... Wade, what do we do?"_ Vanessa panted heavily, obviously still trying to keep herself together after their experience.

Wade nodded, saying "we're not safe here anymore, Ness... _you're_ not safe... we've gotta go."

"Where are we gonna go to?" Vanessa said as they both held Cher up.

 _ **"I don't know yet... but I have a feeling there's going to be a jump cut to the next scene in order to answer that question."**_


	5. Relocation

**Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters**

"Thanks again for bunking us up here, Colossus." Wade said as he, Vanessa and Cher got out of Dopinder's cab and walked with the large, hulking pile of steel up to the door.

"Yes, Wade. Of course." Colossus said warmly as he opened the door to let the Wilson family into the mansion. He led them up the main staircase to the room he had emptied for them, as Vanessa said "I've never actually been in this place before, but, uh... seems pretty nice. A lot less like a horror mansion than I was expecting…"

 _ **"Whoa... and it's still empty, too."**_ Wade snarked as he walked ahead of the others down the hallway and looked around. _**"You'd think since we're basically owned by Disney now, they'd at least let us have a couple of the Avengers hanging around here..."**_

Wade continued talking as they stopped at their room, Cher was the only one that turned to notice the room just behind them, seeing Cyclops talking to a dark-haired, bearded man who wore a long red cloak that floated and moved all on its own.

 _"If Regan's working with Renko and Hammer, then we're all screwed…"_ Scott groaned in frustration. Strange nodded, saying _"then what do we have to do to… oh…"_

They both turned to notice the girl looking at them through the open door. Scott smiled warmly at her, before closing the door to continue their conversation.

Cher was confused by this, before Wade opened the door to their family's room, surprised to see two familiar female there. _"Hi, Wade..."_

"Hi, Yukio!" Wade said in a sweet, affectionate tone, before dropping back to deadpan as he looked at Negasonic and said "oh hey, Sabrina..."

 _"Oh great... this ass... uh... you're back..."_ Negasonic scoffed under her breath, clearly trying to watch her language when Cher was present. She and Yukio both got up as Negasonic said "we'll uh... we'll give you guys some room to settle in..."

"Thank you very much..."

* * *

Later, Colossus and Wade sat in a private room, with Angel sitting silently on the other end of the table. "Please, Angel..." Colossus asked politely, prompting a scoff from Wade. "You have to tell us everything that you know about the facility that gave you and Wade your powers..."

 _"Their roots were with Weapon X..."_ Angel explained as Wade listened, more serious than before. _"After Francis and I got our powers, we were put in charge of experimentation... all the test subjects had blood samples taken..."_

"What for?" Wade asked.

 _"I don't know... backups, I guess... but then, your little killing spree while you looked for Francis was a major setback for them..."_

 _ **"Oh yeah..."**_

* * *

 _"Ha ha... you're about to be killed, by a zamboni! Ha ha... tell me where your fucking boss is, or you're gonna die! In five minutes!"_

* * *

 _ **"Hm... good times... good times..."**_

 _"But all I know really is this..."_ Angel said. _"The boss has something big planned, and we're not needed for it... that's why they're trying to hunt us..."_

"Have you any idea what this big thing is?" Colossus asked. Wade scoffed, saying _**"well, I imagine we're inevitably going to find out... and we'd have done it a lot earlier if that lazy fucker writing this hadn't wasted those two months on the How To Train Your Dragon Fanfiction Archive..."**_

* * *

That night, Cher was sleeping in her bed while Wade and Vanessa sat side-by-side on their own bed. Wade smiled warmly as he looked at his daughter sleeping, before sighing as he said _**"well, just fucking leave it to me to ruin Cher's birthday..."**_

 _"Aw, come on... it was yesterday anyway..."_ Vanessa kissed his cheek comfortingly, before saying _"life is an endless series of train-wrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness... remember?"_

"Yeah, I guess..." Wade snarked bitterly. Vanessa then smiled, saying _"besides... Cher's always wanted to see this place... I have too, to be honest..."_

"Is that your greatest wish?"

 _"Wait, what?"_

"Y'know... Cher's birthday wish... the one about both our biggest wishes coming true..."

 _"Um... I don't think so..."_ Vanessa snarked. _"I mean, when I was a kid I wanted superpowers, but obviously... that was just stupid..."_

"Hm..." Wade held her closer as they lay back. "I've got no idea what my greatest wish could be, though... I've got you guys, I'm finally happy for once... _**and I did the fans a favour by wiping Green Lantern and Origins out of existence...**_ I just have no idea what else I could want..."

* * *

 **2 Miles Outside Of Town...**

The bodies of the two rednecks remained on the ground after the man had attacked them, nobody having passed this area since it happened.

 _ **PSEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW...**_ another bright green and yellow vortex suddenly appeared on the ground inches away from their corpses. A bright, blinding flash appeared suddenly, and when the light disappeared, another figure was now kneeling down where the vortex was.

This figure was shorter than the previous one, and wore a black hooded cloak that covered her body and concealed her face in shadow. She sighed as she saw the bodies, saying _"Jesus..."_

Noticing the tracks of the tyres that led to the town, she groaned angrily, saying _"oh, brother... what in the fuck are you doing?"_


	6. Silverballs

The next morning, the Wilson family was sitting together in the kitchen, Wade and Cher both wearing chef's hats as Wade opened the fridge. "Alright, Cher. Daddy's gonna show you an important lesson for the kitchen... masking tape is no friend to chilled aluminium..."

He took a tin out of the fridge that had a single strand of masking tape hanging off of it. He tore it off and brought it over to the table, allowing Cher to see different coloured labels: _Wheels, Logan, Rogue, Colossus, Yukio and NTW_.

"That's why you gotta use Velcro. It's colour-coded, efficient _and_ environmentally friendly..."

 _"Hm... Gordon Ramsay over here..."_ Vanessa scoffed as she finished her coffee. Wade put Cher away from the switched-on oven as he said "well, I just wanna make sure Cher's ready for the possible career of being a chef... or a college roommate... anything to keep my girls out of a strip club."

 _"How are you all settling in, then?"_ Colossus asked as he entered the kitchen. Cher said "it's really nice, _Mr Silverballs_..."

Colossus went wide-eyed, glaring at a nonchalant Wade as he shrugged and said _**"what can I say? She's a smart kid..."**_

 _"Pft... Wade, may I speak to you outside for a moment?"_

* * *

"Alright... what is it?" Wade snarked as he followed Colossus into the garden.

 _"When the other X-Men return from their mission, I will be leading an investigation into the mutant factory... with your personal history, I am extending an invitation for you and Angel Dust to join us..."_

 _ **"Ooh, a chance to finally have the famous X-Men appear in my movie! How could I pass that up?"**_ Wade snarked. His smile then dropped, before said "wait... it's not the _nobodies_ like Morph, is it?"

"Hm... no Wade, it's... it's the _big guns_..."

Wade thought for a moment, before nodding as he said "alright... I'm in... thanks, Silverballs..."

 _"Your daughter does know that isn't actually my name, yes?"_

Wade froze on the spot with wide eyes, clearly struggling to find an acceptable answer. " _Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssss?_ Yeah?"

Colossus chuckled with a smile, before saying "that's all I have to say, Wade..."

 _"Great..."_

* * *

That night, Wade and Vanessa sat watching late-night TV while Cher was asleep, both of them groaning as the advertisement for _Titans_ reruns began.

 _Where's Batman?_

 _ **"And here it comes..."**_

 _Fuck Batman!_

" _Pft..._ that might just be _the_ dumbest fucking show in DC history..." Wade scoffed.

"I know, right?" Vanessa sighed. "It's like some assholes tried to do those _Netflix_ shows without even watching them..."

 _ **"Just like everything else those assholes do... God... did they even read the RT score for Suicide Squad?"**_

As Wade began to ponder why the actor playing Beast Boy looked familiar, both he and Vanessa cast their eyes to a bright orange light outside which coincided with a thundering _**BOOOOOOOOOM!**_

 _"What in the fucksickle was that...?"_

Cher was woken up by the vibrations that the explosion had caused, looking at her parents fearfully as Vanessa picked her up out of the bed. Hearing a rumbling of footsteps and screaming coming from the hallway, Wade pointed to his family and said _"stay there!"_ as he went to the door and opened it to see the students running out of their rooms in a panic.

 _"Guys! Hey, guys!"_ he grabbed Yukio's arm as she and Negasonic ran past him. _"What's going on?"_

"Some dickhead just blew up the fucking gate, you dipshit!" Negasonic scoffed. "I thought it'd be _you_ at first, but obviously not..."

"Who is it?"

 _"We don't know... from the quick look we got of him, he's got a mohawk and a healing factor..."_ Yukio said as Wade nodded worryingly.

"Wade!" Colossus called as he ran past the students to where the three were standing. "I am taking the students to safety... your family?"

"Right. Just a sec!" Wade went back into the bedroom and held Vanessa and Cher close. He looked Vanessa in the eyes and said "Ness, take Cher... go with Colossus..."

 _"What?! What about you?"_

Wade began putting on his suit as he said "I gotta help NTW take care of this guy..."

 _"NO! He's gonna tear your apart! Why you, Wade?"_

"Because I'm the one who can stick myself back together!" Wade snapped in an uncharacteristically sharp tone. Vanessa nodded a few seconds later, as Wade kissed her and then bent down to Cher and said "daddy's gonna be right back, coffee cup..."

"You always are, daddy..." Cher said as Wade smiled at her, before putting on his mask as he brought his family over to Colossus.

 _ **"Get 'em outta here, silverballs!"**_ he called as he, Yukio and Negasonic went down the stairs towards the assailant. _**"Leave this asshole to us..."**_


	7. Omen

The front door of the mansion burst open as the shadowed figure stepped into the empty, dark hallway. _"Where are you, you son of a bitch..."_ he snarled under his breath with a grin, sniffing with his nose a few times to take in all the recent scents in the air.

His eyes went wide as he recognised one of them, before Negasonic suddenly jumped from the staircase and shouted **"surprise, dickweed!"** as she let loose a burst of energy that sent the man into a wall. Yukio wasn't far behind, slashing her electro-whip forwards so that it wrapped around the man's legs and caused him to fall on his front while he was electrocuted.

 **"GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"** the man roared furiously as he fought his way to his feet through the pain of the electricity. He eventually managed to grip the electro-whip in his hands, using it to drag Yukio towards him before grabbing her throat.

 _"Yukio!"_ Negasonic shouted worryingly, before a voice behind her suddenly said _**"drop the girl, Dan Hardy!"**_

Wade swung down on a rope like Tarzan, kicking the man in the chest and sending him back several feet as Yukio hit the floor. The man shot back up again, before Wade grabbed a sledgehammer from his duffle bag and swung it swiftly into the man's face with an echoing, bloody _**THWACK!**_

The man grunted as he was sent flying into the front doors, nearly taking them off their hinges as he went through them and landed face-first at the top of the outside steps.

* * *

 _"Everyone stay in here!"_ Colossus ordered as the children all went through the secret door in one of the walls, Vanessa holding Cher as she followed them in. Angel Dust ran over, saying "hey, silverballs... we've got a problem..."

 _"I know. The school is under attack. Negasonic and Wade are handling it..."_

"Not that. This..." Angel said as she pulled out her phone, revealing the screen that showed a radar of the school. It beeped softly as a yellow dot was shown heading toward the school. "It's the mutant factory. They're coming here now..."

* * *

"So..." Wade said as he walked out the doors where the man was lying at the top of the stairs. "Now that that's outta the way, why don't you tell me what you came from, where you are and who you're doing here... _**wait... that wasn't right...**_ "

 _"Ugh... son of a bitch..."_ the man grunted as he looked up to face Wade. _"Deadpool..."_

 _ **"Ooh... i**_ _ **t's so nice to finally get some recognition from people outside of my trilogy's main cast..."**_

He then kicked the man in the stomach, sending him flying into the ground before shooting three bullets straight through the man's chest. **_BANG! BANG! BANG!_**

"Now... while you're sitting down, how about you explain just who you are and why you thought it would be cool to steal Bebop from the Ninja Turtles haircut..."

 _"Hm... the name's Daken..."_ the man groaned, the three wounds on his chest already beginning to heal as the bullets dropped to the floor. Wade scoffed as he kept aiming the gun, saying "oh... so uh... well, you might have to explain some things to somebody who's never read a..."

 ** _SNIKT!_ "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!"**

Daken sliced the gun in half and drove his claws into Wade's chest, impaling him to the door behind him as blood leaked profusely through both sides of the holes.

 _"I think that's all the explanation you need, you red talking dildo... now, I've come for blood..."_ he snarled viciously as he drove them in deeper and Wade grunted. _"And if you get in my way, I'll have yours too..."_

"Alright... this time I'm about _90% certain_ you're from the _DC Universe_..." Wade groaned as he glanced at the framed _Titans_ poster that was hanging up in one of the opened student rooms. **_"Cue the music."_**

 _It's an Omen!_

Wade suddenly stuck a small knife into Daken's neck, the blood spitting viscerally out of the wound as Daken fell back, releasing Wade from the wall. Daken ripped the knife out of his neck and threw it on the floor, before Wade rammed him with the _Titans_ poster so that they both went tumbling down the stairs.

Wade got up first, unsheathing one of his swords and running it through Daken's chest, the latter groaning before he kicked Wade in the crotch and headbutted him.

 _It's an Omen!_

Wade swung his other sword, only for Daken to catch the blade with one hand before stabbing Wade in the stomach with the claws on his other hand. Wade grunted as he lost his grip on the sword and Daken lifted him over his head and threw him back-first onto the ground. He unsheathed both sets of claws and prepared to bring them down before a voice called out.

 **"DAKEN!"**

Wade and Daken both looked to the opened gate in front of them, where the cloaked female figure was standing. She took off her hood, revealing the face of a raven-haired, 15 year-old girl who was shooting a deathly glare at Daken.

 _Now! The writing's on the wall!  
It won't go away!_

 _"Laura..."_ Daken said, still angry but also wide-eyed and concerned. _"Sis, what are you doing here?!"_

"Asking you the same fucking question!" Laura snapped before tearing off her dirty cloak, revealing a yellow X-Men uniform with blue and black highlights. She clenched her fists as a spring-loaded, pointy-eared helmet formed around her head, leaving her mouth exposed. _**SNIKT!**_

 _It's an Omen!_

 _ **"HOLY FUCK!"**_ Wade yelled as Laura charged towards Daken with two claws shooting out of either of her hands. She roared furiously as she tackled her brother, both of them landing hard on the ground as she stuck her claws into his chest before Daken was able to kick her back.

 _It's an Omen!_

Laura wasn't deterred by this, digging her claws into the ground to stop herself from going back further and immediately charging towards Daken with a blood-curling **_"HUUUUURRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!"_**

Daken put both his sets of claws into an X-shape in order to deflect the vicious swipe that Laura made at him, kicking his leg under hers to trip her onto her back and pinning her down. _"Don't do this, sis!"_

 _ **BANG!**_ a bullet tore through his chest from behind, causing Daken to turn away from Laura to see Wade pointing a gun at him.

 _NOW!_

* * *

Colossus went wide-eyed as a circular grenade suddenly flew through the window and landed in the hallway. **_BOOM!_** he and Angel were both sent flying back as it exploded, letting out a lime-coloured gas near Vanessa, Cher and the students.

 **"Fuck!"** Vanessa snapped as she tried to cover her daughter's mouth, only to breathe in the substance herself as she and everyone else fell unconscious. A controlled explosion suddenly ruptured the window open as a SWAT team dressed all in black stormed the hallway and began restraining some of the children.

A final individual, who wore a long, black coat, looked at all the unconscious bodies, growling softly as he saw who he was looking for.

 _"It's these two she wants..."_ he snarled as he picked up Vanessa and Cher, carrying their bodies outside as the soldiers and their prisoners followed him.

* * *

 _Now! The writing's on the wall!  
It won't go away!_

Laura snarled viciously, unsheathing a single claw from her left foot and ramming it right through Daken's thigh. She used this to lift him off his feet and throw him into the wall, cracking it as the music suddenly stopped. Wade climbed to his feet, saying **_"WHOO! Eat your heart out, Hit-Girl!"_**

Laura looked at him, groaning and rolling her eyes as she said _"ugh... Deadpool..."_

"Uh, yeah... so... you wanna tell me who you are, Eleven 2.0? **_I'm assuming the costume and claws are a dead giveaway, but you never know..._** "

She ignored him, going to where Daken was lying on the ground and digging her foot claw into his chest. "Are you trying to make me kill you, brother?!" she snapped angrily.

 _"Laura, what I'm doing is best for us both!"_ Daken snarled bitterly, tearing several smoke pellets out of his pocket and crushing them in his fist. _**POOF!**_

Laura tensed back, coughing from the black smoke that surrounded her. **"DAKEN!"** she shouted as she managed to make it out of the smoke cloud, only to see that her brother had disappeared. _**"UGH! FUCK!"**_

 ** _RAT-AT-AT-AT-AT-AT-AT!_** Laura and Wade both looked up at the large, black helicopter that was suddenly hovering above the mansion, flying up higher and disappearing into the clouds.

 _"What the Hell?"_ Wade said, before noticing Colossus, Negasonic and Angel running out of the mansion and down the steps.

"Wade..." Angel was panting with a surprisingly worried tone. "They've... they got your family..."

Wade went wide-eyed as he pulled his mask off, looking up where the helicopter had gone. _"Ness... Cher... oh... m... m... **MOTHER-**_


	8. Backstory

**_-FUCKER!"_**

 _"Wade, you must calm yourself!"_ Colossus said as Wade stormed into the bedroom and began punching and kicking anything he could get his hands on. **_"FUCK! FUCK! FUCKING FUCK FUCK! FUUUUUUUCCK!"_**

Laura and Angel were standing with Yukio and Negasonic in the doorway behind Colossus, prompting Wade to look at them as he pointed at Laura and said _"you! Who the fuck are you? Where the fuck did you come from?!"_

"It is a long story..."

 _"BULLSHIT! Alright, my story of losing people's gone on long enough!"_ Wade pulled out a sword and pointed it to her. _"George Michael, Bowie, Stan Lee, Vanessa! I'm not losing her again because your story is long, so fucking tell me!"_

 **"Alright!"** Laura snapped back as she nearly unsheathed her claws. She sighed as she sat down on the bed. "My name is Laura... well, at least that's the name _she_ gave me..."

 _"Who is she?"_ Colossus asked.

"Hm... Gabriela... my carer at the institution... my real name, technically... it's _X-23_. I'm not from around here..."

 _"Yeah, no shit..."_ Laura glared at Wade as he said this, before saying "the man who attacked you is Daken, my half-brother. We're from an alternate future... another timeline."

"Seriously? **_Am I just destined to be harassed 24/7 by time-travelling super soldiers?_** "

"In the future we come from, mutants were pushed to extinction and the X-Men were killed when Charles developed a serious form of dementia... when I met Daken, we made a new team using other mutants we'd found... we were on a mission to stop this developer from selling a prototype multiverse device."

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small, glowing green device as she added "this, to be exact... it allows the user to hop at will between different universes, but it's a work-in-progress and when it's used it can blur the boundaries between dimensions..."

 _ **"Hm... well I guess that explains the Doctor Strange cameo in Chapter Five..."**_

"What?"

 _"Nothing. So, let me guess, your Beast Boy looking brother stole one of these things to come here..."_

Laura nodded solemnly, saying "yes... Daken has... ugh... he has _abandonment issues_ regarding our father. In our dimension, he's already dead, so Daken never even got the chance to meet him... or _kill him_ , himself... that's why he came to yours..."

 _"To kill this universe's version of your father..."_ Colossus knelt down to the girl's level and had his hand on her shoulder as he said _"who is he, Laura? Your father..."_

"It doesn't matter..." Laura forced his hand off of her. "If Daken kills him, the time-space-continuum could be seriously fucked! We have to find Daken before he even meets him..."

 _ **"Either she's hiding something about her old man, or his actor doesn't wanna play the part anymore..."**_ Wade snarked. "Alright, kid, I'm gonna make you an offer..."

Laura looked at him, as he said _"you help me get my kid and wife back, and I'll help you hunt down Mohawk Fukanaga... deal?"_

He held out his hand, prompting Laura to scoff as she shook it and said "deal..."

Wade then looked at Colossus and said "alright, big C. Where's the Blackbird parked?"

"Wade, there is no chance in Hell that I am letting you into the Blackbird..."

 _ **"Hm... as tempting as it is to let the camera immediately cut to me piloting the Blackbird, I'm still thinking that it'd be better if we just saw where Cher and Vanessa were right now..."**_


	9. Announcement (Discontinuation)

**ANNOUNCEMENT**

Unfortunately, due to commitments with other stories, school work and a severe case of writer's block, I can no longer continue _Deadpool III_. Because of this, I'm putting it up for adoption, so that someone else can take on the story and finish it.

If you wish to take on the story, please PM me to ask for my permission first. I'm willing to serve as a creative consultant, since I have the general plot in place even if I can't really write it up. Thank you in advance, MysteryWriter2187.


End file.
